Ladyfire Greatest Hits

IGNITING HIS PASSION 

By Debora Myers

How do I get my mate passionately interested in me again? Unfortunately, all too often after being together a while, the home fires start to dwindle and we find ourselves whining and pining for more lovin'. What is the remedy in this situation? There are no magic bullets, but before you throw in the towel, try a few of these techniques to arouse his interest in you.

Most men are enchanted by a woman who makes them feel stronger, more competent, smarter and better than they felt about themselves before they met her. Therefore if you want your lover to stay in love or if you are working on rekindling that love, be positive.

First, understand that a man is not going to want you if you're constantly nagging him for more attention. By all means don't let him know just how dissatisfied you are. Accept who he is and love him unconditionally. Men's egos need constant reassurance and stroking. Instead of haranguing him about the things you do not like or his lack of attention, concentrate on what it is that you do like about him. Gently compliment him on the things that please you, without fawning too much or smothering him. Once a man feels trapped he may try to break free. Not necessarily physically leave you, but he may emotionally erect a wall between you and he. Here are some basic tools to help build a bridge over that wall.

First, become your own woman. If you are confident in yourself and have a full life, that should make you even more desirable and attractive to him. If your bugging him all the time all he'll want to do is to get away from the pressure your putting on him.

Subtleties are a must! If you're the one who is dissatisfied then you must take the initiative to create some fun. Most guys aren't going to read your mind, arrange to have a play day or night at home! A good bottle of wine, a movie or even a movie camera can make the evening more exciting. If he's the type that enjoys social situations, organize a small dinner party or take him out. Anything to break the monotony of your daily routine.

If the passion has fizzled, don't give up. If you are the adventurous type tenderly feel him out to see if he would be interested in some experimental sex. I'm not suggesting kinky sex be initiated, unless your into that kind of thing. Maybe try out some role-playing, or invest in some fun new lingerie or marital aids. Generally men are visually oriented. They become stimulated just seeing you naked, or dressed pretty. So get out of those ugly sweat pants. If you've put on a few pounds quit sweating it and dress nice. Many men prefer a voluptuous woman, get over being self-conscious. If you don't feel good about yourself, do some things to help you feel good, he will follow you in turn.

Remember to have a sense of humor and laugh! Be light hearted. One day I was full of mischief and decided to surprise my husband. I arranged to have the kids spend the night out and I dressed in something quite of character for me. I went to the store and when I returned home, instead of just coming on into the house I knocked on the door and pretended I was a religious zealot and started preaching to him on how I could save his soul. He pulled me into the house and told me, "save this honey," Another time I dressed quite "trampy" and knocked on the door pretending to be a call girl. We laughed and giggled, ended up having a grand ole' time. Let the child in you come out. You don't always have to be the sultry sex queen to grab his interest.

Ply him with treats! It really works. You know the old saying," You can win a man through his stomach. Fix his favorite meal and favorite drink. Make sure the right music is playing in the background and take the time to make yourself alluring. Hand feed him his dessert while kissing him. Remember that movie 9 and ½ weeks? Kim Bassinger was blindfolded as her lover hand fed her delicacies. Don't be afraid to try new things to peak his interest. Your mate may just be bored. The idea is to keep him coming home to you, not drive him away into someone else's arms. It may be more difficult for my shy sisters out there but give it a try. You only live this life once! Go for the gusto!