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Is He Having an Affair? And Why? 

By Debora Myers

One third of all married couples admit to having cheated on their mates. Let's not be naïve. That's quite a large number of people taking risks! So why all the playing around? Here are some of the obvious and not so obvious clues to help you discover whether he is being unfaithful or not and why he does the things he does.

If for no particular reason he starts bringing you silly little gifts, watch out. These may be guilt gifts. My friend thought that her husband was really missing her when he went away on business trips and returned with loads of presents for her and the children. I pointed out that maybe he was banging the secretary and felt guilty about it. She outright asked him and he surprised her with a sobbing confession. What did she do? Well, it took her a while but she eventually divorced her first husband, met Mr. Wonderful and remarried. Divorce is not always the answer though. If both partners are willing to do the work the marriage can be saved! Please read 'ADULTERY, THE FORGIVABLE SIN' by Bonnie Eaker Weil, Ph.D. Copyright 1994- Hastings House Publishers. She has a phenomenal success rate for saving adulterous relationships.

Watch for secret phone conversations that abruptly end when you enter the room. Also of course if phone numbers/match books/mysterious e-mail or faxes…start showing up you may want to give him the third degree. If your smart, you'll not clue him in that your suspicious so that you can catch him as he becomes bolder in his cheating ways; this will give you more of an opportunity to catch him in the act if his guard is down.

Notice any changing hygiene routines. If he usually takes a morning shower but adds another shower to his routine when he comes home he may be washing off the evidence. Smell his clothes. Do they have Ode de female or perfume? Does he come home consistently later? Is he disinterested in having sex with you? Has he quit shagging with you? Is he negative about your sex life? Is he all of a sudden more interested in sex than usual-did it come out of the blue so to speak? Is he showing off newly learned techniques? Is he more concerned with his general appearance than he used to be? Why?

The number one reason men say they cheat is that they are not getting enough satisfying sex at home. Of course a no-brainer. But why else would he cheat?

Some men admit that they were just bored with the usual Saturday night routine. Most men wish their wives were more aggressive when it comes to sex and want them to initiate it more spontaneously. Many men seek out women who are more adventurous in sex. A man may like to experiment and play but the wife is offended or turned off to new techniques in the bedroom.

Some men have low self-esteem and feel good when another person affirms their masculinity and sex appeal. Especially if he is being taken for granted at home. If you constantly have a headache he is going to take it personally. Seek sexual therapy before you find out he's getting some strange.

Revenge is one reason many men start to play around. Have you been unfaithful? Did he catch you in an illicit affair? Have you been unusually mean to him or have you been fighting a lot? He may just be trying to get back at you for something.

The lack of romance and the lack of feeling like being in love can push many people into the arms of others. Sometimes when the family pressures of marriage, children and money problems add so much stress to the marriage that any romantic feelings we may have had for our mates disappears.

Many men can juggle having two women at the same time and do so successfully for the entire marriage. On the other hand, most men cannot handle the strain of the guilt that comes with having an affair. Some may even be so unhappy in their marriages that they purposely or subconsciously leave clues around so that the wife eventually finds out, terminating the marriage. This is usually the case if he or his wife are not willing to work on the problems in the marriage. He feels it is his only way out.

 Many couples agree to having an open sexual relationship. I know of one couple that actually has their mate meet the prospective new sex partner to give their approval of the person for the fling. If the husband or wife thinks, "Yuck, how could you do her?" Then he will wait until another little friend catches his eye…It goes for her too. If she wants to bring another man into her sex life he must meet with the husbands approval. I say, whatever works! This article is not written to freak you out, rather we hope it helps you become aware of typical trouble spots that can lead your mate into the arms of another.

Some couples have a business marriage, that is raise the kids, enjoy each other's companionship but sex is just not in the picture. Many find that this is easier than going through a divorce just over sex. So they get sex elsewhere to keep the foundations of their marriage together. This seldom works and usually  is a complete disaster. It is difficult for most people to live like that, but some do maintain a marriage of some sort. I think that it is dysfunctional and would be really impossible  to live that way.

Whatever your worries, there is always marriage counseling and sex therapy. Communication is the best thing you can do to iron out any infidelity problems, especially if you are open and honest in your relationship, and can talk out any problems before they lead to infidelity. Don't be afraid to open up and don't turn your head because you're afraid of the answer. Remember in this day of sexually transmitted diseases you would be lacking in brain wave activity if you think that you could not "get something" from his affair. Best to play it safe and make sure that he does too.