Feature 15

My Champions
by Debora Myers

This is a true story, as best as I can describe it here. I wasn't high on any type of substance, alcohol, or doing anything that would make me "trip out". I was simply minding my own business, working on the computer, (on the LF website, actually), and then it happened. I never in my wildest dreams thought this was an actual possibility. I always thought our spirit animal was an energetic symbol for our psyches to use for guidance. Let me tell you, I was dead wrong!

Debora Myers is editor and co-founder of Ladyfire.com.

She is a graduate of the Self Heal School of Herbal Medicine in San Diego, CA. She has also studied extensively with Traditional American Indian Healers and been actively involved in the civil rights and environmental movements.

Debora loves to sing and also create collage shrines of recycled and collected items for fun and her own bliss and therapy.

Debora is a life long student, constantly updating and educating herself concerning the holistic healing arts and sacred sexuality and the arts.

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It was in the evening, and I was posted at my usual spot at the desktop, typing away in my Northern New Mexico apartment. Determined to finish some work for Ladyfire. I diligently finished up some last minute adjustments for my archaic web building software. It was the fall of 2008. I was hurrying to finish up so I could make dinner for my business partner, lover-man and Navajo wizard. He was in the living room, at the other end of the apartment watching TV.

I heard him leave and return a few minutes later. "Oh shit!" I swore, out loud. I knew he went on a beer run, and that doesn't always work out very well to put it lightly. I hurried to finish up what I was doing, so I could intervene with some vittles before he got totally snockered. Well, about 15 minutes went by and I thought all was well, as I signed out of my program, and whirled my computer chair around toward my office door. Well, I guess that must have been his second or third trip to the convenience/liquor store, 'cause he started to come at me, with that crazed look in his eyes, wreaking of cheap whiskey and his hands outstretched toward my NECK!

My stomach did that bilious lurch as the adrenaline shot through me. I was accustomed to his PTSD moments. He gets this insane look in his eyes. He looks like an animal being tortured and ready to attack. You see, Barney is an ex-combat Marine Corp veteran, wizard and healer. He's seen and been involved in some shit that was totally heinous, hideous and pretty much unbelievable. In fact, a lot of his war stories were so bad that I thought he was embellishing to get my sympathy. It worked, I guess, cause I was still with him. Whatever he went through had to have been pretty bad, or he wouldn't have been as crazed as he got when he drank, and that monster was unleashed.

This was the first and last time I was ever attacked by him. The other side of him showed me a man that sucked cancer out of wombs and demolished brain tumors with his info, and a bit of red dirt. He did it for me!

Back to the story: He came at me so quickly that I didn't even have time to jump outta my chair. As my feet pushed the tile floor to jump up, the chair shot back while at the same time, his hands found my neck. His grip tightened around my neck as I was shoved backwards and slammed back on the floor, his hands still wrapped around my neck. I felt him squeeze tighter and then something happened. I felt a calmness simultaneously with a feeling of pure egoless power. I became an observer as this power energy took over my mind and body.

I screamed an ungodly scream as I scratched with my unusually large hands and scratched at his face, raking my fingernails through his temples to his jaw. As my hands swung up for another blow, I saw that my hands were not hands at all, but huge Mountain Lion paws, with the claws extended as I raked his face and eyes again, leaving red streaks. As I was reared backward, sprawled and struggling, still in the office chair on my back on the floor, I kicked my feet up like a cat will do when it's on it's back and being attacked. We've all seen that, how a cat will kick with it's hind legs at the belly of the attacker. Well, this was no different. As my bare feet went at him, I saw my hind paws, my Puma toes stretched and spread, claws extended.

I looked out of my eyes, but they weren't really my eyes at all. Everything looked weird and colorless. I could see my muzzle and whiskers as I looked at my attacker. It was the most scared I have ever been, while at the same time, the most powerful I've ever felt in my life. I'd only been in a couple physical fights before, but this was very different. ( I cold cocked my first husband when he backhanded me when I was in my early twenties-good thing I knocked him out with a first punch-but that's another story.)

Barney was crouched with his arms in an incredible hulk stance, blood dripping from his jaw, but backing off. I screamed again and didn't recognize my own voice. Then all of a sudden I popped back into total consciousness as my Mountain Lion rescuer left my energy body. Barney and I just stood there looking at each other. He had snapped out of his psycho mode and just stood there saying, "Debbles, why are you hurting me?"

Oh, my feelings went from Victory to Fear, to Guilt to Confusion to Compassion! Which leads to yet another story which I will share with you later about walk- ins, exorcism, possession and Shamanism.

Lesson of this story is don't back a Debbie in a corner. Just kidding, well, not really, but yeah,... seriously-(grin), I look at it this way. I've always been told I was too open. I've always been told I am Ms. TMI and share too much. I've been told that I'm "too sensitive" and need boundaries by therapists. (I'm still trying to figure out how to have boundaries and be open at the same time.) As I wrote this I came to this epiphany, that if I wasn't so open, I never would have been able to let my rescuer in to help me. As I wrote this, I thanked Barney, because I never would have learned this without his unorthodox methods. (He is / was / ? my teacher).

As I prepared this story for you, I was looking for some pictures of Mountain Lions and saw pic after pic of dead lions that hunters were holding up, with idiotic grins and hard-ons. Geez, what a man- to shoot a big cat with a high powered rifle and scope from far away. If only I could have saved one of those beautiful cats! One saved ME! And this makes me feel special! The biggest supposed WEAKNESS in me maybe isn't such a weakness!

What is it in you that is judged and thwarted? Can you take that quality and meld it into power? Can you still love and respect those that taught you the HARD WAY? Welcome Challenge. Welcome Growth! Don't take any shit-not even from your teacher!

Welcome GROWTH and be grateful!