CONSCIOUS

SABLE MAGAZINE
INTERVIEW

When I was handed this assignment, I was floored. HIV transmission woman to woman. 

Yes, I read their had been cases, but I had never encountered any sister that had been infected by another woman. I don't think they would tell anyone, even if that was the case. That kind of honesty is rare.

I sent Conscious an E-mail about the magazine's interest in interviewing her. She answered our request back without hesitation. 

That took me off-balance for a moment. Why? Because interviewing writers or people for print is usually a waiting game. 

With some people dangling the carrot to see what you would do to get an interview with them. Not Conscious, she was polite, giving and real.

I held the interview in her home, where I was greeted by her dog, Egypt. If I wasn't an aggressive woman, I might have been intimidated by Conscious. 

She's tall {6'1"}, strong and bold with soft brown eyes looking through her trendy glasses. 

Her home is comfortable and laid back, situated in a quiet neighborhood. She invited me in and I sat on her big, roomy and softsectional. 

She seemed shy and nervous at first, but she got comfortable with me quickly. I think I was more anxious than she was, I had so many questions, yet I wanted to be sensitive.

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Conscious: The name was developed and created. You see, for some years I was unconscious. For years my body, mind and spirit lived in a coma. Through therapy I regained the memory of my childhood. I started to repair my life by getting free of alcohol and drugs. I was cleaning up my soul. I regained myself and became Conscious.

MC: So your becoming conscious was like a rebirth?

Conscious: Yes, it was my coming out of that mental coma.

MC: What gave you the strength and courage to write "Getting Unstuck"?

Conscious: I believe that strength came from getting clean from drugs and alcohol. I stopped abusing drugs, myself and women. You see, I believe we are sent messages. These voices guide us to help others if we choose to listen. I wrote this book to help save children and other people from the trauma I went through in my life.

MC: How long did this book take to write?

Conscious: Three years. I was working in television when I first started the book. The rigors of working in that medium, with its twelve hour days and sometimes overnight projects did not afford me the time nor concentration to work on my book. I left television and went to work in a job that offered me a more regular schedule. This gave me the time I needed to write Getting Unstuck.

MC: Why did you name the book "Getting Unstuck"?

Conscious: I was stuck in a path of self destruction. Even when I had positive situations come in my life. I still migrated toward drugs and alcohol. That was because of all the holes in my soul. I was chained to the "Get High" life. Through getting sober and clean, in addition with therapy I got unstuck from the lie of a life I was living.

MC: What is the most important influence in your life?

Conscious: I have a conversation with God everyday. My greatest influence is my conversation with God and my inner peace. This gives me the strength I need. My awareness and understanding are so heightened, that if I had to leave this earth right now, I would be at peace with my life now!

MC: I must inquire, what are you like as a person? How do you think of yourself?

Conscious: One on one as friends, I'm complex, moody, even simple sometimes. I have many ranges. I slip in and out of character. I have times when I'm rough and rugged, thug like. Sometimes I'm motherly, sometimes childlike or maybe soft. I'm not saying I have multiple personalities. As a friend, if you knew me you would know how to approach me. You would be able to read my face. I am sensitive and laid back. My life is quiet and simple. I just celebrated a birthday. Guess what? I found out my birthday coincides with National Black HIV and AIDS Awareness Day. That was February 07, 2002. It's one of the signs God has sent me to know that I'm doing my work.

MC: How do you deal with being HIV positive? Has the disease affected your interaction in the Lesbian community?

Conscious: It has affected the way I am in the community Big Time. First, know that being HIV+ is a state of mind. When I first found out I thought I was going to die soon. I started reading about the disease and the advances in medicine. I found out you could live with the disease. I constantly monitor my T-Cell count and my viral load. I eat right, I'm a vegetarian now and I keep myself clean.

I don't use soap on my face and I take vitamins. I don't drink or do drugs. When I go out clubbing, I don't cross my own personal line. I don't approach women trying to get intimate with them. I just don't want to have to put myself out there like that. I don't want to have to explain my HIV status with every woman I date. There is no way I could date a woman and not tell her.

I could not risk another person's life. When women approach me, I'll have a conversation or dance with them but I don't cross the line. Most sisters just think I'm really nice and they don't push it. Anyway, I have a girlfriend, she knows my status. We have been together for six years now. She is HIV negative and we are safe with each other.

MC: Why did you become involved with the drug culture?

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Conscious: I grew up in it. My mother was part of the Hustle game. I started drinking at an early age. My mom liked the fast life and was into material things. So, that was our lifestyle. I looked up to Pimps, Drug dealers and Number runners. I even wanted to be a number runner.

Interview of Conscious by Sable Magazine