KamaSutra

The Kama Sutra is an ancient text that uses the art of love and sex as a path to
enlightenment. But like yoga the Kama Sutra offers much more than aerobic sexual
positions and techniques; as you are about to discover.

The Kama Sutra not only instructs in the physical positions for sex, it is also a manual on preparing for the acts of love.

Dr. Susan Kaye received her Ph.D. as a clinical sexologist and D.H.S. as a
doctorate of human sexuality. She is a certified clinical sexologist and also
holds an associate certificate in sex education. Dr. Kaye graduated from Villanova University with a degree in human services.
She is a personal coach for singles and couples---singles who are looking to
create relationship opportunities, and couples who would like to enrich their
relationship. Susan's homework assignments range from practicing
communication skills to tantra, massage,and yoga for couples. Susan is also
a Certified Divorce Mediator and can assist partners in the legal separating
of their relationship.

Susan conducts workshops regarding women's sexual health and well-being.
She has worked with male clients who have a need for social skills training and
in overcoming fears and anxieties surrounding intimacy. She is also a trained
massage therapist and thus teaches the necessity of positive touch throughout
the life span.

Susan is a member of: The American College of Sexology; American
Association of Sex Educators, Counselors and Therapists; and the Society
for the Scientific Study of Sex.

drskaye@comcast.net

OUR YONI

The sanskrit term, "yoni", literally translates into "sacred space".

Women, the relationship we have with our yoni and the energies it carries is essential to us living our most creative and fulfilling life.

Our Yoni, just like any other body part or tissue, needs nurturing attention, loving care, healing and massage. Very often, our yonis are
treated like nothing more than sexual receptacles, or performance-based organs. She is so much more than that.

Yoni is sensitive, intelligent, and lives from an invitation to ancient universal wisdom. She remembers every pleasure we ever had, and every stroke we never wanted.

Every woman's yoni is her own responsibility, but so often we give that away to our lovers, and we are disappointed in the result. The yoni
becomes de-vitalized, and our awareness of her diminishes.

Whether or not we are sexually active, we can have a new and deeply exciting relationship with our yoni. She is waiting for our awareness
and appreciation, and responds accordingly with magnificent engagement and effortless powers of attraction.

Susan Kaye, Ph.D.

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This Sexologist Says,
'Change Your Date-a-tude'

There's a scene in the movie "When Harry Met Sally" when Sally (Meg Ryan) announces to her girlfriends that she and her boyfriend of five years have just broken up. Her friend, Marie (Carrie Fisher), is in disbelief: "But you guys were a couple! You had someone to go places with. You had a date on national holidays!" - as if these things were reason enough to stay in the relationship.

Singles in America are bombarded from the media and the Internet - dating websites, matchmaking services, Madison Avenue, reality dating shows, romantic novels, pop music and Hollywood - with the ideal of perfect couple-dom. But for Dr. Susan Kaye, a relationship expert, the dream is potentially a nightmare. "We're a society that's so invested in coupling that we think something is missing in our lives if we're single."

Kaye will presents an interactive workshop, Successful Single," about creating a life that satisfies you - single or not - on Saturday, July 17, at the Radisson Hotel in Princeton at 7 p.m. Sponsored by the Princeton Business Singles Network, the $25 admission fee includes admission to the dance/social that follows directly after the workshop.

Singles really suffer, Kaye says, when they buy into the dream that they are incomplete without a partner. With the way our society is set up, "when you're not a part of a couple, you're not part of the American Dream," Kaye says. "We put undue stress on ourselves, trying to look good to attract a partner" instead of carving out a satisfying life as a single. The get-a-partner-at-all-costs attitude - what Kaye calls "date-a-tude," "can really hinder you," she says. "The thing that hurts us the most (when dating) is desperation."

Raised in Pottstown, Pennsylvania, in farm country, Kaye is the eldest of five. Her mother stayed at home, and her father had his own business as a successful paving contractor. Kaye was not encouraged to study beyond high school, because, as her mother told her: "Girls don't go to college." Kaye says: "I married right out of high school. I was 19. That's what you did. You got married and you stayed in the area."

But Kaye says she always had "a vision of myself as a doctor. So I decided I would get a job at a college or university so I could take classes for free." She got a job at Villanova. Her marriage thing didn't work out, but the college thing did. Kaye, now a single mother of two young girls, juggled work as both a massage therapist and bartender for several years, but managed to earn her degree in Human Service (a combination degree of psychology and sociology) from Villanova. "It took seven years, but I did it - cum laude. Not bad for a single mom studying on the bathroom floor," she says.

An association with noted sexologists Bill Stayton and Carol Cobb-Nettleson, who she had met during her "juggling years," inspired Kaye to direct her advanced studies in the area of relationship and sexuality at the Institute for the Advancement of Human Sexuality in San Francisco. She completed her Ph.D. five years ago and now counsels individuals and couples on relationship and sexuality issues.

She says the challenge for most singles is creating a life that makes you happy with or without a partner. Being part of a couple is "how we're programmed. So if you're single and you feel that pull to `couple' every time you meet someone, you have an agenda. Is this Prince Charming? Could she be `the one'? You miss out on opportunities that way. We aren't ourselves. We're so busy putting our best face forward that we don't confront. When we're dating, we spend 100% of our energy on nurturing the relationship. We don't have to do much. We leave things out."

After you've been together for a while, "the real relationship becomes a PIECE OF, not the focus of your life," says Kaye. And if you've bought into the Jerry Maguire myth that your partner should "complete you," you're in for some trouble. For example, you might think there is something wrong if your partner wants to keep old friends of the opposite sex. "You think that is a reflection on your relationship, and no one can be all things to all people," she says. That's not possible. "But so many people buy into the myth. That's why I see so many couples in my office."

On the other hand, says Kaye, if you're living a life that makes you happy to start with, you're more likely to wind up with a compatible partner. "Singles should have a `Plan B.' Having a `Plan B' makes dating be about choosing, not about having to be in a relationship at all costs."

Currently single herself, Kaye practices what she teaches. "I might like to get partnered again, but I could see myself living in a house with women," she says. Or maybe in a co-housing situation "like a kibbutz or getting myself a van and keeping a P.O. box and driving around the country in my van. But whether I get partnered or not, I have an amazing life."

-Deb Cooperman